I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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