ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
