You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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