So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
