butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they're like a gay fantastic four
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
