I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
