I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
