dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
