I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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