U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize