Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
