no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
