Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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