U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Enjoy the penises
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
