Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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