jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
