its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
