This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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