My friends, they love my intelligence
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
