I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
