im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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