The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
