put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You pole danced in your parka.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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