we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
