we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
