so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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