The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
