We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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