how can u be prego again
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
