trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize