im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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