He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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