alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
