WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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