I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My vagina is very pro this idea
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
