At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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