dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
