and she was petting her beer can
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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