she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
50% drunk capacity currently
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
