I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
