I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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