I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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