I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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