By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
