ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
