So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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