you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
