Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
