So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
