it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
