i permit you to call me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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