oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
