Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
