she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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