and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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