Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize