see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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