The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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