i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
