my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
