It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize