How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
