Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
