the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize