He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
