May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize