i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
