I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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