Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
