you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
