we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
