I'm eating all of the evidence.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
