At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
