You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
