I accidentally had phone sex last night
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
