I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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