I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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