TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize