You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
