me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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