Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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