Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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