So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
