he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
