Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
