I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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