toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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