I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
