Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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