My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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