I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and she was petting her beer can
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
