Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
