How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
