i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
