I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize