WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
