Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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