Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
