don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
