Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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